Friday, January 27, 2012

"is catherine newman and expet on marriage?"

Ah, Search Terms, how you beguile me. Some days it's all "best-ever cream cheese frosting" and "ben and birdy" and "yoni crack martini glass" and "nursing until your boobs fall off."

And then some days it's this. Let's see. Am I and my expet on marriage? Do you mean like *on* marriage--like, we're *on* it, marriage? Me and my expet. Expet, like exparrot in Mony Python? That might be our cat Tiny, I suppose. So are you wondering if I've been betrothed to the groomish ghost of my dead cat? All I can say is, if I were, it would only be for the health insurance.

But if you're asking if I'm an expert on marriage because you've been assigned a response paper to my essay, "I Do. Not."--well, all I can say, my poor Comp 101 friend, is: you'd better proof-read it.



  1. My favourite search term ever for my site was

    Girl fack boy in there house

    I also liked

    Girl striping fack boy house

  2. My recipe for Russian Hot Pot yields me a fair amount of searches for 'hot Russians.'

  3. It's been many a year since my days of comp 101. Sounds like an essay I'd be interested in, though. Is it online? (I googled it and only came up with comp 101 responses to it).

  4. Allyson2:34 PM

    Buffalo Shrimp is all well and good, but this? This made my day.

    My word verification is "acityl", which sounds like a prescription form of LSD. "Ask your doctor about Acityl. Ooooh. The colors."

  5. Erin K.2:58 PM

    Maybe its a story about your adventures with an expat on marriage - Like "Henery and June" meets "Tin Tin" but different

  6. Heh, you - and your commenters - rock! A few things: Dip Cones (or as we call it: Magic Shell - remember that?) has totally made my kids' day. They love it! It's awesome! They're enthralled! And I have to admit, I love drizzling it over their minute portions of ice cream & watching the chocolate harden.

    Also: we are planning on subjecting our friends to Munchkin tonight for Game Night! Even after reading the voluminous directions, I was so confused and dispaired that I'd wasted my money. But then I remembered: YouTube! You can learn *anything* on YouTube.

    Seriously, after you've tired of funny Google Translations (which of course, might be NEVER), look up funny things to learn on YouTube. Not only did I learn how to play Munchkin from two rubber yellow ducks, I learned how to 1) apply the mineral make-up that I'd bought and 2) pin roll my hair. Brilliant.

  7. Robin4:17 PM

    The search term and the real and imaginary Comp 101 papers strike too close to home. I teach English 101, and a new semester begins Monday. I hope all my students take your proofreading advice!

    And hooray for YouTube help (@The Nurturing Pirate); when my daughter learned regrouping in math last year (you know, what we called carrying and borrowing), I was afraid to help her for fear of teaching it a different way. Thank goodness for some charming second graders on YouTube, who explained the whole process in terms both my daughter and I could work with!

  8. I love your essay "I do not." Really, really loved it.

    Also, many people find their way to my blog via:
    "traps for sisters," which I find a little creepy.

  9. Ha! I read that as "expat"~ hmmm.... goes a wee bit better with "I. Do. Not." ;)

  10. how do you find out what search term people used to get to your blog?

  11. okay, I'm about to make crack broccoli and I noticed that rubber mat thing it's on, as opposed to my terrifying aluminum foil. Should I get one of those things? Is it a silpat? Do your cooking friends (the ones that sell all the other things you mention) sell that?


    This link is to a site for some English class that picks apart your essay.

    "BREAKTHROUGH WRITER The purpose of a writing class is to develop a meaningful thesis, direct or implied, that will generate a compelling essay." Etc., etc.

    Funny or not funny?

  13. I don't comment much, but I love you. You make me laugh so much. And weep. The funniest search term I ever saw for my blog might be "porn muffins." I'm not sure if those are a thing, but I certainly don't want to google it.

  14. OMG, I can't believe there is a writing assignment for your essay!!! I read it and loved it! You really take a risk by publishing your opinions and putting yourself out there for the world to critique!

  15. Where can I find your essay? I have looked through tons of links, but can't seem to find it! Would love to read it, being in a committed non-marriage, myself!

  16. Kimberly B6:58 PM

    My pregnant neighbor was just wistfully pining for some pickled beets. Plus, her birthday is soon and I have beets in my fridge that have been there since summer. This could not be more timely for me. THANKS!!

  17. Nice article. very interesting, thanks for sharing.